Students @ Schreyer Honors College, Penn State

It was interesting to read Dean Brady’s last few blogs on the “new” initative to start student blogs for the SHC. First, it was interesting to consider reading about a bunch of freshman students navigating through their college years; highly reminscient of MTV’s new show, College Life, http://www.mtv.com/ontv/dyn/college_life/series.jhtml

With graduation behind me, it also got me thinking about what, exactly, my role as a student blogger has been. I’m brave enough to admit it– I signed up for this gig because it was initially supposed to be a paid position. (They later revoked that idea though, because they didn’t want it to look like we were being sponsored/bribed to say the right thing.)  Admittedly, blogs are a bit archaic, since most college-aged students communicate through Facebook (and twitter, myspace, etc, etc….)  And while I like to think otherwise, I’m also brave enough to admit there are only a handful of people out of the 6 billion on this planet that have ever read my blog, let alone visit regularly– and I think I am related to at least 2 of them.

So why have I been blogging for the last three years?

Under the guise of being a community do-gooder and FAQ superwoman to all prospective students and parents, I think it’s safe to say this blog was largely for myself. And while it may have been forgotten by most SHC administrators and never discovered by most prospective parents, it’s strangely satisfying to have a record of these tumultous college years. 

I’ve watched myself move from a rural school district in NoMansLand, PA to State College; to me, it was like moving to a mecca of civilization. Looking back, I can safely say first semester freshman year was the biggest turning point in my life. It was the first time I was totally on my own to decide how much I wanted to study, what “morals” I wanted to uphold, and how I wanted to spend my free time. Academically, it was also the most challenging point of college. Coming from my small rural public school to Penn State main campus is regarded as the equivalent of attending Harvard–and for a good reason. I couldn’t believe how hard classes were. I was constantly studying, felt like I was always behind  everyone else, and barely pulled a B+ in Bio 110H. I even took Math141 over the summer because I was afraid I couldn’t handle it on top of the rest of my classes. And I seriously doubted that I belonged here with these seemingly brilliant people. 

After a summer at home, I regrouped. Sophomore year, the playing field began to level, and I finally understood the reason I felt like I was drowning in my classes was because my high school prep wasn’t as rigorous as the other students. This marked a relief when I realized I wasn’t dumb, or a failure. I became best friends with the upperclassmen on the SHC student council. I still regard these students as some of the strongest role models I had in college: they managed to do everything they loved, stand up for what they believed in, and (for the most part) keep on top of thier whole game. All while having a LOT of fun and owning everyone in classes. Spring of sophomore year was also the time when I was forced to face a harsh Real World truth: when you’re pulling yourself up by your bootstraps, it takes a lot longer to get to the top. While everyone’s dad/family friend/neighbor was landing them dream internships, I was frustrated and angry that I had nobody to rely on but myself. But with hard work and an extensive google search, I managed to land myself a good summer fellowship through Emory University. Against my anxious mom’s wishes, I hope for the best and moved to Atlanta for the summer. 

Since I thought State College was a mecca, you can imagine how I felt moving to Atlanta and working in center city at Georgia State University. This was another chance to reinvent myself. I was only going to know these people for 10 weeks, so I could be whoever I wanted and do whatever I chose to, and I figured my actions wouldn’t have any impact on the “real” Meg people knew from home. I had an amazing summer, but realized trying to absolve onself of personal responsibilty just because you “can” is a bad idea. Valuable lesson. 

Following the paths of my aforementioned sophomore year role models, I started doing really well in classes and having a lot of fun in my free time. This was also the point when one’s academic success was based purely on how hard you’d worked in the previous two years, not what high school you came from. Spring semester, my roommate and 4 other best friends all went abroad/co-op. I moved into a single dorm room. Having my closest friends all gone felt, obviously, really lonely.  Due to a bevy of unusual employment/medical/academic issues with my family back at home, I had to make a lot of trips back and forth between home and Penn State. We were experiencing some pretty significant family strains, but in a bizarre way, it made a positive impact on my person decisions and responsibilities. Importantly, these issues  helped me prioritize. It was the first time I stepped back and realized school wasn’t nearly as important as I once thought it to be. 

Thanks to some hard work, the success of my Atlanta internship, and a few lucky stars shining down on me, I was accepted to a summer research fellowship at MIT. I was much more sucessful at remaining true to myself, and while work was very demanding, I was constantly reminded that my research wasn’t the only important thing in my life. I met some amazing people, went on great adventures in Boston, and kept in tight contact with my family. 

By senior year, I was still feeling pretty low remembering what a mess my life was during the end of junior year. Then, like out of a movie, something clicked— and everything was perfect again.  My family life was finally sorted back out. I moved into an apartment off campus with my best friend. Our friends are over at our apartment almost every night, catching up on our most-watched tv shows. I re-evaluated the principles I’d been using to guide my actions. I make more time now than ever for the once-in-a-lifetime college stuff. I’m ten times happier and less stressed than ever before. I had the opportunity to visit cities all over the country while I was interviewing. And now, after all those years of pushing myself to the limits, I landed my dream. I’m training for my PhD in neuroscience at MIT. 

Graduating meant a lot to me. It means, sadly, leaving the place that truly molded me into the person—maybe even “adult”– that I am today. It means leaving the best friends I have ever had. But it also means earning my degree, with honors! My dad didn’t have the opporunity to go to college, so this last one really means the most. And in 5-8 years, I’ll be the first person in my whole family (aunts, uncles, cousins, etc) to ever earn an advanced graduate degree. Someday, they’ll call me DR. KRENCH! 

Graduation weekend was one of the happiest and saddest times of my life. I know that sounds melodramatic, but it really was. Before Penn State, I had I never really had a group of close friends, I never loved the town where I lived… just never really felt connected to anything (besides my family). I am so grateful for the amazing friends I’ve made, and all of the once-in-a-lifetime opportunities Penn State provided for me that I never thought would have been possible.

In the bookstore before I left Happy Valley for the last time, I was asking my sister if she thought I should get a regular Penn State car sticker or one that said Alumni.  Passing by, a woman overheard me and said, “Oh honey, get the alumni one! You earned it, you deserve it.” And I burst into tears. I never cry. I cried at the honors medal ceremony, through half of my graduation, and now here in the middle of the Penn State bookstore. And then all the way home.

I’ve grown a lot in four years. There have been some incredible times, and some very difficult times. I’m sure my graduate years will bring a lot of the same, with heavy emphasis on the difficult times. But looking back, it means a lot to know I pulled myself up from nothing to earn this, to make my own dreams come true. And it means a lot to know my friends and everyone in my family will be cheering me on through my PhD.

I cannot thank you enough, Dear Old State. Without you, none of this would have been possible!!! I’ll miss you dearly… and no matter where I go, I promise a little part of my heart will ALWAYS, always be a Nittany Lion.